Mother’s Day Without a Mother

This past weekend was Mother’s Day. My mom passed away a little over a year ago. It was sudden and very unexpected. I have written about the experience before, it has since been deleted, and that’s not the purpose of this post. Suffice it to say that we were not on the best of terms when she passed and I have my regrets.

Don’t count on there being plenty of time to make things right or for it to just blow over.

Anyway, there have been plenty of holidays go by without mom on the past year, and things haven’t really affected me that much. There have been times I’ve missed her, but it would be a fleeting feeling that passed quickly.

This past weekend got me. As I was trying to celebrate with my wife and step children, it just hit me. My mom isn’t here to celebrate with. I can’t buy her a gift or have dinner with her. No calls or church services together. No more hugs or “I love you’s” shared. Never again.

Now, as a Christian, I have the hope of the resurrection. I know my mom is in heaven right now and I will see her again. But, there is still that void. She isn’t here. She is missing.

I think it’s ok that I feel this way. It took me a day or two to figure out that’s what was wrong, but we should grieve. We should miss. But we just can’t stay there. I have to, as she did in so many situations, cling to Jesus. He has her now and we will meet again. What an amazing hope that is. So, that is what I will do. Hope.

“And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.” -Romans 5:3–5